"share with these people leaves you mentally exhausted, depressed, with the aim off. Even a new study suggests they are negative for your health
Luckily, you can neutralize them. Emotional vampires. Granted, the term is quite dramatic, and some say that up too ... but after a meeting, however brief, with one of these individuals, we all agree that it is the only one that really describes them. After treating, we feel as if a kind of psychic 'Dracula' would have drained us emotionally, leaving depressed, without energy, with the aim off.
all know at least one. Do not you think? Make a simple test: Is there someone that you avoid or shy away, either in person or by phone? Who do you a hard time returning a call, because the mere idea of \u200b\u200btalking with him or her get tired? After to share a certain person, with `nice 'to have been the meeting, will you be tense, angry or tired ... and often not even understand why?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, do not hesitate: you're dealing with an emotional vampire. The insidious problem is that it can be a stranger ... or a loved one: the parent, spouse or best friend. Similarly, the relationship may be close or distant, pleasant or unpleasant person ... but the effect it has on you is always toxic.
There are two types of emotional vampires, both equally toxic- must learn to recognize.
invisible threat
The first is the invisible vampire. And many times, the behavior of these people is not overtly toxic, put it this way. Therefore, it is difficult to recognize and 'neutralize'. After all, there are few who do not pick up when someone behaves in a rude or nasty to them, or when trying to offend by word or action. But they say there is no worse than an invisible opponent, and it is true. Many emotional vampires operate under the radar '. " In other words: its toxic behavior is not obvious, this is hidden behind an attitude or some innocent words. This is because they send messages `double ', which is the art of saying something seemingly innocuous, and to suggest something quite different.
For example:
`What good is that dress you," says your `best friend '... before adding: 'It even makes you waist. " `How good you look ... for your age. " This type of comment is also known as 'sweet poison' because, behind the praise, there is always an implicit criticism.
The vampire is also often overlap use humor as a way to attack without showing their faces or suffer the consequences. The rule that works here is this: if he or she joke that you're overweight or not couples ... should not offend, because it is a joke.
When Susan, a housewife aged 32, asked his father not to make him more jokes about his weight, he not only made her feel that she was a self-conscious without any sense of humor ... 'But ended up giving me lecture on the importance of loving as I am. In other words, the problem ended up being me ', she said, indignantly.
Body language is also a common strategy of emotional vampires. You say 'I respect your decision' ... with a cynical smile on his face, swear that you appreciate ... with folded arms, you are asked to believe them ... and look away (sometimes the gesture is so subtle, what psychologists call a microexpressions, who got it at a conscious level, but feel that something just does not 'block'). They tell you one thing, but you perceive the opposite. This discrepancy creates an inner turmoil that eventually drains you.
worth mentioning that, many times, no emotional vampire operates at a conscious level, do not know the effect it has on others. It is simply their way of being. As also occurs with the second copy.
Vampire in sight ...
The second kind of emotional vampire is more easily detected, but no less difficult to bear. These are some of the most common examples, according to the theories of interpersonal relations expert Cheryl Richardson, author of Take Time for Your Life (It takes time for your life) and Dr. Lillian Glass, author of Toxic People (People toxic .)
negatives. They see the world through dark glasses. And you touch the arduous task of elevating the spirit, which is like climbing a rock uphill. `I have to find work," she says. `Now there are many opportunities in your field, 'I tell you. `Yes, but at my age ...', she says. `The experience is worth a lot of 'he said. `Ay, but companies prefer young people ...'. There comes a time for you, you tried to cheer her up, she just more depressed and fearful for your future career.
Complainers. They spend their lives bemoaning the same thing, and `the same 'can be a partner, employment, children, the economy, "but do nothing to change the situation. In fact, this person just wants to complain, as this will produce a momentary relief. Do you? After a marathon session of complaints, which in the end nothing is resolved, just drained.
The picky. They object to everything you say and do, for them, you never measure up. Of course, insist that criticism is' for your own good. " But the reality is that you leave the floor.
Generally, these people will find a default to all: movie, dinner, service in the restaurant ... They are irritating and exhausting!
The warlike. Any incident, however minimal, resulting in them an aggressive reaction. Feel you must watch what you say or do, not turn the wheel, because when they explode, burning Troy! This shuts down your spirit.
The weak and helpless. Constantly need to speak for them, defend them, supports, protects ... they, poor things, do not know how to fend for themselves. But without doubt, carry all that weight on your back takes away every ounce of energy. Do they? Calm and happy, because they do not take responsibility for themselves.
This group must include the `little things' that practice passive aggression, such that, after a disagreement, I swear they do not hold grudges ... but then forget, for example, to pass by you at the appointed time. It is his indirect way of punishing you.
The sarcastic. His comments, cruel, mocking, in order: sarcastic, can be funny, but when that black humor is always directed at you, just to undermine your spirit. After a session of ironies and acid comments, you feel hurt and insulted .. His biting humor is toxic for the soul, because he always hits where it hurts.
Los catastrophic. They are always talking about hurricanes, disease, death, misery and economic collapse. For them, life is an imminent danger, and if anything will happen, probably will be very bad. Five minutes with them just your nerves.
A real danger
Daniel Goleman, author of international bestseller Emotional Intelligence, tells us that the fact that these people will cause us more than a momentary annoyance. According to its latest book, Social Intelligence (social intelligence), our daily exchanges with partners, children, boss and even with strangers, shape the physical structure of our brain at the cellular level and this, in turn, affects all body cells, making changes even at the genetic level. In other words, our reaction to others has a biological impact on our body, as during social contact secrete hormones that affect from our hearts to our immune system. According to Goleman, good relationships are like a vitamin, the bad, like poison. And not only that others' emotions are contagious, like a cold. Do you understand now why is so important to neutralize the emotional vampires?
KEY STEPS
1 - recognize. Determine what category the person falls that lets you emotionally drained. You will never take you off guard, because you know how it operates.
2 - Keep the internal balance. To prevent infection, often understand why that person has that effect on you, helps you protect yourself from their negative influence. When you know it's her, not you, that has a problem (because it is negative, belligerent, catastrophic, etc.) You can keep an emotional distance that allows you to observe their behavior 'from outside', without it affecting you.
3 - walk away. If this person is not essential in your life, you can dilute the relationship. Many times the custom we `ata 'toxic friendships.
4 - To heal the relationship. If the relationship is important to you, Cheryl Richardson advised that you let that person know how you are affected. This is not to confront it, to injure or attack. At the appropriate time, when both are on good terms, you call it apart and let you know that just because the want and value the relationship you have something to say. `When you do / say such a thing, I feel tense / sad / anxious / offended. I ask you not to do more. " This can initiate a dialogue very healthy for both. "
Roberto Palomino
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